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BSG: Circle Round Again (Kara/Lee)

dknightshade organized the Lyrical Ficathon (lyrical_fic). I was given the following lyrics:

We are made to bleed,
And scab and heal and bleed again,
And turn every scar into a joke.
Buildings and Bridges, Ani DiFranco


Title: Circle Round Again
Author: voleuse
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Kara/Lee
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: They can't help hurting.
Notes: Spoilers for the miniseries and "33"



Lee can recount their entire history in scar tissue and broken blood vessels.

*


Sparring, half in training, half in jest. The tap of his fist against her ribs. The roll of her shoulder as she retaliates, a slug to the jaw that sends him reeling backwards. The follow-up, a punch to the gut, and he falls flat on his ass.

They both laugh.

Next time, it's a draw.

*


At a bar, catching each other's eyes across the room, but not drawing close. Keeping to their corners.

Not until voices are raised, some jerk who spilled his beer on her boots, maybe after she knocked into his arm, and whose fault is it?

He gets distracted from the girl in front of him, sees Kara shoving the guy back, and the guy's friends eyeing her, and no one's got her back.

They both go home alone that night, but somehow, it doesn't feel that way.

*


Picking her up from the brig, on the nights when he wasn't there to cover her ass.

Bruises on her face, blood on her knuckles, and he tries to be angry at her, instead of at himself.

*


That one night, after too much beer and too much ambrosia, they stumble out of the bar and he walks her home, ever the gentleman.

He finds himself walking closer than usual. When she stops, he doesn't, and almost trips over her. Catches her shoulders to steady himself, and she looks at him just so, tilts her head.

He isn't sure what happened next, except her teeth worrying his lower lip, and when he pulls back to breathe, he tastes copper on his lips.

*


And after that, and after that, and after that.

The wounds inflicted afterwards bleed less, but the scars never go away.

*


"This seems familiar."

At first sight of her, he feels that click of camaraderie, feels like nothing's changed at all.

For a minute.

Then they both remember why it isn't so.

*


The worlds end.

*


Sometimes, she looks at him, her eyes wide and her voice entirely serious, even if her words aren't. Those are the times that throw him off-balance, because he doesn't know how to respond to her.

Actually, he does, but not in any way she would accept.

Not in any way that would keep that look in her eyes.

If he tried to talk to her, tried to take her hand, he knows what would happen.

She would blink. She would laugh and look away.

And then they'd be right back where they started.

*


They don't sleep for five days. Nobody on the ship does.

At most, they can manage to switch shifts, pretend to nap, instead of stare up at the bunks above.

They don't look at each other, except by accident.

Kara rolls to her side, just as he turns away from his locker.

The shadows under her eyes are deep, purple. She smiles at him, tightly, and it shoots through him, presses against his chest.

He offers her a hand up.

She doesn't take it.


###

Originally archived here. Linked here and here.

Comments

( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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maybedarkpink
Mar. 19th, 2005 09:42 pm (UTC)
Oooh, brilliant and heartbreaking and beautiful. Thank you!
voleuse
Mar. 20th, 2005 09:28 am (UTC)
Thank you.
leadensky
Mar. 20th, 2005 05:04 am (UTC)
oh.

Bruises on her face, blood on her knuckles, and he tries to be angry at her, instead of at himself.

And

Then they both remember why it isn't so.

Oh, Lee.

I wanted a bit more, there at the end. More about the first five days, while Lee's not thinking about what she told him about Zack.

I like what you've done with the format, but the spareness needs (I think) a bigger pay off at the end.

But still. Oh, this hurts.

- hg

voleuse
Mar. 20th, 2005 09:31 am (UTC)
Thank you!

I wanted a bit more, there at the end.

I agree it warrants more, but I was trying to stick to sparse in this one, and with the issue of Zak, I feel compelled to add more meat to it. I want to reflect on it a little more, I guess, before I tackle that story.
anr
Mar. 21st, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
Ouch.

That was brilliant. I love the sparseness to it.
voleuse
Mar. 21st, 2005 03:01 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
angualupin
Mar. 21st, 2005 04:56 am (UTC)
Brilliant. Especially:

Bruises on her face, blood on her knuckles, and he tries to be angry at her, instead of at himself.

and

The wounds inflicted afterwards bleed less, but the scars never go away.

You've captured them perfectly. (Although, you know, I always like at least a little smut... *sigh*)
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you! (And, um, see the next post for smut.)
bantha_fodder
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
This is absolutely lovely. I love it. You use the words sparingly but we can see everything.

Thank you for sharing this.

(And, as a sidenote, I love your writing in other fandoms and I was SO EXCITED to see this pop up on the flist. So, uhm, extra yay!)
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC)
Wow, thanks! And, yay!
stars_like_dust
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:32 am (UTC)
I love this. You capture everything in what seems like no words at all. I'm not going to pull the lines I like out because I'd be pulling the whole fic into this comment.

FABULOUS. Just - guh. So good.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
ancarett
Mar. 21st, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC)
Ooooo, I love this -- spare and lean and elegant and every word is precisely what you need to convey the moment.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
plumtastic
Mar. 21st, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC)
And after that, and after that, and after that.

The wounds inflicted afterwards bleed less, but the scars never go away.


Yes! Gah.

Let me say, I'm overjoyed that you're here and sharing your brilliance.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)
=P It's partly your fault, you know.
thekatebeyond
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:34 pm (UTC)
You had me from the opening line. I'm a sucker for brisk, matter-of-fact prose. Where some have said 'sparse,' I would say crisp, efficient. You deftly painted a picture with the fewest possible strokes. Just lovely.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
(Deleted comment)
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Nobody warned me this would be addictive, though. Agh.
tiferet
Mar. 21st, 2005 05:53 pm (UTC)
I really really love this :)
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
mnemo_syne
Mar. 21st, 2005 09:06 pm (UTC)
Oh. This is so, so sad. I love the spare style you wrote it in, it fits well with this empty, bare tone. But man. *sniff*

Nice job. Thank you.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
barrenspot
Mar. 22nd, 2005 02:46 am (UTC)
That was great. Love the spareness of it. Talk about economy of language, in the good way. I know it's not easy to make every word count like that. And you have lots of elements you can follow up on, too. Really, really good stuff.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
cupidsbow
Mar. 22nd, 2005 06:27 am (UTC)
I love the fractured feel of this.
voleuse
Mar. 22nd, 2005 05:46 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
fatema
Mar. 23rd, 2005 05:20 am (UTC)
Oooooooh. This felt painful. It was angsty and just perfect. And the title? Totally fits. I felt for both of them. You know, you did just enough detail to make me totally curious about those late nights and scars and him wanting to defend her. It pulled all the right strings in my heart. *sigh* Wonderful.
voleuse
Mar. 23rd, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I went round and round on this fic, so I'm glad it worked.
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( 33 comments — Leave a comment )

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