Title: Minotaurs and Shakespeare
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: The Eleventh Doctor & Amy Pond
Summary: Call a professional. There's bound to be one standing by.
Notes: No spoilers.
The Doctor was twisting his palm around a lever, his eyes trained on the monitor in front of him like he was playing a video game.
Amy slumped dramatically against the console next to him. "I am so bored," she hinted.
"Mm." The Doctor yanked the lever toward him, once, then guided it in a jagged spiral. "That's the sign of a lazy mind, Pond."
"Or a woman trapped inside a time machine that isn't going anywhere," she replied. "What's so fascinating there?" She leaned over, but there were just little bleeps and waves on the screen, like the most boring kind of screensaver. "Is it like Space Tetris or something?"
The Doctor clucked his tongue. "Everything is Space Tetris, really."
"Doctor," Amy attempted, wrapping her hands around his, around the lever. "If I yank you away from this, will the universe end?"
"Don't be silly," he said, finally looking at her. "At the very most, it would be a planet. Well, maybe a solar system."
Amy jerked away. "What are you doing?"
"Infiltrating the database of the Shadow Proclamation." He rubbed his thumb down the lever, humming. "Honestly, Amy, what do they teach in school nowadays?"
"Psychic paper doesn't always work at the cluster," the Doctor lectured, "so it's best to seek other methods of recourse." He swept into the room wearing a blue, fluffy robe and holding a tablet computer.
"What do you think?" he asked.
"Very Bond," Amy said, rolling her eyes. "Do all space diplomats look like nerdy Smurfs?"
The Doctor squinted at her. "This is the finest in bureaucratic finery, I'll have you know." He tugged at his fluffy blue lapels. "Spiffy, isn't it?"
"Spiffy?" Amy shook her head. "If you say so."
"Trust me, Pond." The Doctor twisted, whirled, and suddenly Amy was engulfed in fluffy blue, instead. "You'll blend right in."
Amy emerged from the robes with a sneeze. "Me?" She glared at him, at the lank of his body draped in what looked suspiciously like a tuxedo. "What happened to blending in with the bureaucracy?"
"I'm a Time Lord, Amy." He grinned. "I can't disappoint the public."
"And who am I?"
"My accomplice," he replied. "Now remember, walk confidently. Look like you adore paper clips and unspoken recrimination."
"Right." Amy watched the Doctor stride to the doors of the TARDIS. "What'll you be doing?"
"I'll be my delightful self," he said, "which will allow you to use that," he handed her the tablet, "to download the thingamabobs."
"The thingamabobs," Amy repeated.
"And I'll use my charm," he ignored Amy's snort, "to acquire the whatsits."
"None of that makes any sense," Amy replied.
"Excellent," he said, swinging the doors open. "Follow me."
A/N: Title and summary adapted from Please Contact Us If You Need Help Using This Equipment by Ace Boggess. Link courtesy of breathe_poetry.