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HIMYM: Doing Loopity Loops (Robin/Barney)

For anr, who requested a fic based on the following icons (by sundry_icons and vinyamar, respectively):

Title: Doing Loopity Loops
Author: voleuse
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Pairing: Robin/Barney
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: You're new. You can't hurt me yet.
Notes: Set before 5.06

"Robin and I have been keeping a tally of how many beds we've done it in--we're up to eighty-three and a half."
"A half?"
"Nineteenth-century ottoman in an antique shop."

Robin answered the door wearing a smock and a pair of thigh-high boots, and the pinch of the too-small boots was worth it when Barney staggered and clutched the door knob. "I'm a total mess," she pouted, brushing at the paint stains on the smock ineffectually. "Maybe we should do this another time?"

Barney walked in a circle around her, and she backed against the door, leaning back until clicked shut. She slid the door chain in with her left hand, not looking, and she bent one of her knees, resting her heel against the door.

Barney gulped. "What are you wearing?" His voice sounded strangled, like his tie was an inch too tight.

"Lily said I could help myself to whatever when I watered the plants," Robin said. She kicked her foot out, twisted her ankle. "She has a fantastic boot collection."

"That was really nice of her," Barney observed, stepping forward, pressing Robin against the door. "But then, you are doing her a favor. Both of them, actually."

Robin slid her heel up Barney's calf. "Well, Marshall's grandmother only has a birthday once a year." Barney palmed the back of her thigh, and she tilted her head as he kissed her shoulder. "This is what friends do, right?"

"Right," Barney said, and he lifted her up, crinkling the smock between them. "I hope that's not fresh paint." His suit was slightly rough against her legs, and Robin squeezed his arms, shut her eyes as she arched.

"Sofa?" she asked him, nails biting into his sleeves.

"Are you kidding?" Barney said. "They have 1200 thread count sheets."

Tokyo called on a Wednesday night and asked Robin to take part in a special multi-part report, something about a race and a koala and having a familiar face present a North American perspective. She wanted to refuse off the bat, but when they offered to pay for airfare and a hotel, she did a quick currency conversion in her head, and decided she could take a quick vacation.

The hotel was fancier than she expected, but after the first day's filming--which included hamster balancing and an entirely too frisky koala--Robin suspected she would more than earn her creature comforts by the end of the week.

She trudged into the lobby, picking the last of the sawdust from her hair, and it took her two minutes to realize Barney was sprawled in one of the lounge chairs ahead of her.

"Hey," Robin said, giving her hair a final shake. "What are you doing here?"

"Business thing," Barney said, standing and straightening his suit jacket. "If anyone asks you, I was in Seoul before we met up."

Robin raised her eyebrows. "Okay."

"So," Barney said, shoving his hands into his pockets. "What's your room like?"

Robin smiled. "It's clean, it has hangars, and it has a bed."

"Good enough," Barney responded, grabbing her hand. "Let's go."

"Wait," Robin said, and Barney skidded to a stop, sudden hesitation on his face. Robin framed his face with her hands and pulled him down for a kiss.

"Hey," she repeated, after a minute. "I'm glad you're here."

Barney smiled, and bent his head to kiss her again.

The antique store was crowded, the height of the Sunday morning rush, and Barney felt stifled by all the very old, very boring looking things. And also people. He picked up a silver-backed mirror with ornamental roses etched into the back. "Do you think James would be into this?" he asked Robin, but when he looked up, she wasn't there. "Robin?"

He turned to survey the front of the store, but he didn't spot her in the crush of the crowd. There was a rattle, and he noticed a beaded curtain near the back, with a cardboard sign stuck above it. More deals in back room! Barney set the mirror down and weaved his way back through the furniture maze.

The back room was a little darker, with most of the light streaming through a window taped over with plastic tarp. "Robin?" Barney asked again. He bumped into a brass umbrella holder, and then Robin appeared from behind a Shaker-style wardrobe. "Find anything interesting?"

"No. I got bored," Robin replied. She twirled something on her index finger, and it only took Barney a second to recognize her panties.

He cleared his throat. "Bored, you say?" He loosened his tie, just a bit. "Can't have that."

"There aren't any cameras," Robin replied.

"Excellent," Barney said, and she tucked her panties into his jacket pocket, unbuckled his belt and pulled him farther into the shadows. She pushed his trousers and boxers down, settled against some sofa-looking thing, the plastic sheeting crackling softly as she shifted against it. Barney knelt between her legs, and Robin tugged her skirt up, biting her lip. "This is such a bad idea," Barney observed.

"Yeah," Robin said. Her smile blinded him. "So?"

"Good point," Barney said, and he leaned down and pressed his lips against her neck.

Robin rubbed her neck as she walked towards the hotel room door, already calculating where the closest Tim Horton's might be. Then she paused. "How did you get in here?"

Barney shrugged. "You left a key for me at the front desk," he said. "Also, apparently the curling team paid for the room." He gestured at the furniture, strewn with abandoned equipment. "Obviously."

"Yeah, I think they had to film a commercial or something." Robin stretched, tilting her head from side to side. "So you flew out here to get me?" she asked, smiling.

"Of course," Barney replied.

Robin considered that for a moment. "Take off your pants."

Barney brightened. "Really?"

"Yeah." She stepped into the bathroom. "Just give me a second to brush my teeth."

"Most awesome girlfriend ever," Barney declared.

"I know," Robin said, and located the complimentary mouthwash. "Score!"


A/N: Title and summary adapted from Sandra Cisneros's Waiting for a Lover. Link courtesy of breathe_poetry.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 9th, 2009 04:50 am (UTC)
awesome!! Thank you! :)
Nov. 9th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC)
That was legen-wait for it-dary. (Sorry, I had to do it.)

Awesome job! :)
Nov. 9th, 2009 06:40 am (UTC)
Yes! I knew there would be an antiquing story soon! Awesome
Nov. 14th, 2009 06:01 pm (UTC)
"Yeah," Robin said. Her smile blinded him. "So?"


This was great!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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