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HIMYM: Somersault and Spin (Barney)

For teffy, who requested a How I Met Your Mother ficlet with Barney/Robin.

Title: Somersault and Spin
Author: voleuse
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Pairing: Barney
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: I'm alone again. Amen.
Notes: Set after 3.20

Barney was in the hospital long enough that he lost track of time and kept count of money instead. (Not that his insurance didn't cover his stay, of course. The lesson learned: Never bet against an orderly on your lab results. Those bastards lied about creatinine levels every single time.) When they finally wheeled him out to a taxi stand, he had to use the average college student's hemline in order to assess the passing of seasons.

He slumped in the back of the cab and moaned. "Twelve weeks?"

The driver looked at him in the mirror, eyebrows raised.

"I have not had sex in twelve weeks," Barney bemoaned, punctuating his complaint with his address. "Not counting the twice-weekly sponge bath, of course."

The driver, very carefully, did not make skin contact when Barney paid him.

Barney did not have sex on the elevator ride up to his apartment, either. (The odds were seventy-thirty, but a man learns to seize opportunity when he may.) He rubbed his thumb against the cell phone in his pocket, but it didn't ring.

The apartment door creaked as he kicked it shut behind him. He slumped on the sofa, and his cell phone rang. He opened it without checking the caller ID. "Ted, my boy, I haven't had sex in twelve weeks," he announced. "Aside from the sponge baths, which only count Utah. Probably."

After a pause, Robin said, "I think you should buy me a beer."

Barney nodded and said, "Consider it done."


A/N: Title and summary adapted from A Man in My Bed Like Cracker Crumbs by Sandra Cisneros. Link courtesy of breathe_poetry.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 1st, 2008 03:23 am (UTC)
The driver, very carefully, did not make skin contact when Barney paid him.

This is wonderful. Wonderful.

Oh, Barney.
Jul. 1st, 2008 03:27 am (UTC)
Yes yes and yes. *mwuah!*
Jul. 2nd, 2008 02:12 am (UTC)
AWESOME. Much like Barney himself, really.
Aug. 3rd, 2008 11:57 am (UTC)
Wonderfully done!
Aug. 17th, 2008 03:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much!
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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